Stuck in the Dark
by MusaWCEB
Summary: DISCONTINUED. Hermione goes to school with the marauders. Listening to the voice in her head, Hermione navigates her way through life. And everything goes great, until it suddenly doesn't. Now, with the help of her friends, the voice in her head, and her favorite boy, Hermione must fight her own demons, as well as Lord Voldemort, the biggest threat to the Wizarding World.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

 _The night had settled, and with it, a chill in the air, familiar to the inhabitants of the streets. Two strangers walked the cold nights, one an old man, jaded due to years of fighting, and one a small girl, maybe aged four or five. She held the man's hand, her tiny legs struggling to keep up with the fast paced man._

" _Hurry child, we mustn't dally," the man whispers. The girl grunts and tries to run even faster, to keep up, her curly brown hair bouncing behind her. "Now, I want you to listen closely." His voice is stern, and the girl concentrates completely on his words. "They know you're coming, and they do know who you really are." The man slows, before stopping between a wall and a large shrub. He bends at the waist, so that their eyes meet, and he puts his hand on her shoulder."You know who you are, don't you child?"_

" _Yes professor." The young child's dark brown eyes beam into the man's own light blue ones._

" _Very good, and your responsibilities?"_

" _To enjoy myself, but also listen to the voice inside my head."_

" _Good child, I knew you were exceptionally bright." He looks at the child adoringly, before gripping her hand once again and quickly races across the street, and towards the third house on the street. Once there, he walks up the three steps to the porch, and knocks on the red door thrice. A woman opens the door, and hurries the two in._

" _Oh Albus, something horrid has happened." The woman, a beautiful brunette, with wide set eyes, similar in color to the young girl, rings her hands together. "My son, Remus, he, well, you see..."_

 _Albus' eyes immediately lose their shine and he grabs the woman by her shoulder and holds her steady. "Take deep breaths Hope." The woman, Hope, does as Albus says. "Now tell me, what has happened?"_

" _My son, Remus, he, Lyall said, was attacked by a werewolf, and I don't know what to do!" The little girl gasps, and Hope, the woman lets out a sob._

" _Where is the boy?"_

" _Lyall took him to St. Mungos, to get treated, but he said to stay for you and the child, that I could maybe see him later."_

 _Albus nods his head and he brings his left arm back, towards the little girl, "Come here child." The little girl rapidly walks toward him, and once she's standing next to him, he looks to Hope once again. "Hope, meet your new daughter, Hermione. Hermione, this is your mother Hope Lupin."_

 _Hope, worried as she was, still managed a small smile for the girl, "hello deary."_

 _7 Years Later_

" _Come on Remus, or we won't find any seats," an 11 year old girl shouts, pulling on the sleeve of an overly skinny young boy, around the same age as her. The young boy, of a shy demeanor, hurries along to keep up with his sister's fast pace._

" _Hermione, please slow down," Remus says. "I can't keep up."_

" _Yes you can; stop being lazy." The two children board the train and begin to look for some place to sit. They past multiple compartments, many with older children in them, a few with first years, and nearly all were full, until they reached one that was empty. The two siblings, content with the isolation, shrug and make themselves comfortable._

 _For the next few minutes, the two siblings sit in compatible silence, each reading a book they had brought: Remus reading 'The Return of the Native' by Thomas Hardy, a muggle, and Hermione reading 'Hogwarts: A History', which had quickly become her favorite read. The two sat together, enraptured by their individual books, for a while before their door was opened._

" _Excuse us, but could we sit with you," a red-headed girl, also seeming to be aged eleven, asks._

 _Hermione smiles, "of course!" The girl smiles and begins to sit down, holding the sleeve of another boy. The boy was pale by nature, with long-ish black hair. He looked to be unwashed and his clothes did not fit him properly. Maybe because of this, he seemed to have a shy disposition. "My name is Hermione; this is my brother Remus." Remus looks up from his book and smiles at the two._

" _My name is Lily, and this is my friend Severus." The boy smiles a little._

 _The first years all lined up, just as Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor, had told them to, and all waited for their turn to get called up to try on the sorting hat. It began uneventfully, the first eleven year old being sorted into Hufflepuff, but that changed as a young Sirius Black went to get sorted. He has wavy, black hair, and what looked to be grey or light blue eyes, Hermione couldn't tell from so far away. He was expected to be sorted into Slytherin, due to his last name, but, instead, he was sorted into Gryffindor. Gryffindor table cheered loudly, taunting Slytherin, and the boy looked absolutely gleeful._

 _Lily, the girl Hermione and Remus met in the train was also sorted into Gryffindor. It carried on, boys and girls being sorted into one of the four houses, for what felt like hours to Hermione._

 _Then her name was called. She walked, quickly but unsurely to the stool, where she sat down and allowed the hat to be placed on her head._

" _Hmmmm, you have a brain don't you girl?" If Hermione was shocked by the sorting hat speaking, she didn't show it._

" _I suppose you could say that."_

" _Hmm, where would you want to go?" It surprised Hermione that the hat would ask her what she wanted._

" _I don't care much, but I would prefer to be with my brother."_

" _Hmm, loyalty is it? You don't want to be separated?"_

" _I suppose fear could be another word," Hermione responds, truthfully._

" _Well then, I suppose you belong in...GRYFFINDOR."_

 _Hermione, content enough to be a part of Gryffindor house, merrily skips to her new table, and then watches Remus' sorting, crossing her fingers and hoping that he is sorted into Gryffindor too._

 _When Remus is, Hermione is the loudest to cheer._

 _Hermione and her brother always sit next to each other in the Great Hall, normally with Lily and the girls in the Gryffindor first year dorms, sitting to the left of Hermione, and Sirius Black and the boys in Remus' dorm sitting on his right._

 _Already, two of the first years don't get along: James Potter, who had quickly become Sirius' best friend as well as a friend of a chubby, sniffling boy named Peter, and Lily. James and his friends constantly pick on Severus, the boy Hermione learned was Lily's best friend._

 _With the exception of James and Lily, who Hermione believes will fall in love with each other, everyone else get along. They have to; they all go to class together, and only a few have older siblings or friends in other houses._

 _But Hermione has another problem; every time Peter talks to her, she doesn't feel good, like she's going to throw up, and she feels unreasonably angry at him. It makes maintaining a relationship with the first year boys of Gryffindor difficult._

 _Third year_

 _Hermione feels disgust as she works with Peter in potions. The two are supposed to be making a girding potion. Hermione excels in Potions, the reason why she was partnered with Peter, who ruins nearly every potion he gets his hands on._

 _James calls for Hermione. Sensing urgency in his voice, Hermione checks the potion, red as it's supposed to be at this step, then walks over to where James and Haley Buchanan, a brunette ravenclaw, are working on their potion to answer a question. As she turns back to Peter and her own potion, she sees with horror as Peter nearly throws in the flying seahorses instead of the doxy eggs. "Stop," she nearly screams in horror. Peter squeaks and nearly drops the seahorses in the cauldron, barely stopping himself in time. Taking a breath of relief, Hermione, as gently as she can, tells Peter what he should put in the cauldron._

 _By the end of the period, Hermione and Peter's potion was not ruined, and they received full marks._

 _Marlene McKinnon, a blonde haired third year with blue eyes, watches as Sirius Black, her current crush, flirts with a fourth year in the common room. As she watches Sirius Black and the girl, with envy in her eyes, Hermione and Lily watch her._

" _How can she even like someone like Sirius Black," Lily whispers to Hermione, outrage quite apparent in her voice._

 _Hermione shrugs, pulling her eyes away from Marlene's despondent figure. "I'm not quite sure, but Sirius must have some redeeming qualities." Her eyes are pulled towards Sirius and Freya, the fourth year, most especially known for her strange violet colored eyes. She watches curiously as the two flirt back and forth, Sirius standing extremely close to Freya and Freya simultaneously blinking her eyes too much and unnecessarily twirling her hair. "What I don't understand is how Sirius prefers Freya to Marlene. He knows Marlene more, and she's a much kinder and entertaining person than Freya."_

" _Yes Hermione, but I don't think Sirius cares too much for a relationship." Lily clasps her hands together and rests her head on those hands. Hermione looks at her in confusion._

" _Then why is he flirting with her?" Lily lifts her head up from her hands to stare at Hermione in disbelief, and assuming that Hermione is teasing her. Once she realizes that Hermione is serious, Lily starts laughing, unable to believe that there is, in fact, something that Hermione does not seem to have intimate and immediate knowledge of. "Lily will you quit laughing?"_

" _I'm sorry," Lily says as she waves her hands. "I just can't believe that you can't think of what he would want."_

" _That doesn't mean you have to be hysterical," Hermione grumbles in response._

" _I'm sorry," Lily replies, still laughing, "I'm assuming that Sirius is flirting so that he can get a few kisses from Freya, maybe even more."_

" _Oh," Hermione nearly whispers, embarrassed that she hadn't come to that conclusion on her own. The voice in her head, the one Dumbledore had told her to listen to, snickers at her. "I think I should go to bed." She walks up the stairs to her shared room with the girls, the voice in her head still snickering._

 _Fourth Year_

" _He is such a, a dreamboat," Marlene exclaims, falling back on her bed. The other girls in the room laugh at her, but she ignores them, still clutching a letter to her chest._

 _Mary McDonald, a brunette with light blue eyes, snorts, then questions Marlene, "A dreamboat?"_

 _Marlene proceeds to ignore her, but Hermione looks up from the book she was, previously, reading, an intriguing account on the uses of Venomous Tentacula (not a fourth year standard, but makes for a fascinating read). "Who are you talking about?"_

" _Why Remus Lupin of course," Dorcas Meadows replies as she continues to brush Lily's long, auburn hair. "He's Marlene's latest, obvious, crush."_

" _He sent me a letter, asking to take me to the next Hogsmeade visit. And he sent a box of my favorite muggle chocolates with it." Marlene stays laying on her bed, but turns so that she lays on her stomach rather than her back._

" _Well you should at least write a letter back," Lily blurts out, speaking in a loud voice uncharacteristic of her. Hermione stares at her incredulously, worried for her friend._

 _Marlene, however, doesn't notice and nearly jumps in the air, with how quickly she pops her head up. "I'll do that right now," she exclaims, rushing about to find parchment and a quill._

" _Hi Hermione." Hermione looks up from the book she is using to write her potions essay. She's sitting at a table near the back of the library by herself, as is usual for her._

" _Oh, hello Damon." Hermione smiles up at him. Damon Galloway is a sixth year Slytherin, not someone she knows well. The girls in Hogwarts, surely in Gryffindor, regard him as one of the most attractive boys in school. He has dark, mocha colored skin, and light eyes. He is the current Slytherin Quidditch captain and has been a beater for the last five years, giving him a strong form. Damon was more than just his looks and athletic capabilities, however. He ranks second in his year, and is a prefect. Despite not being the most attractive boy in school, it's common knowledge that he's considered the "best catch" in the school. Hermione couldn't disagree. "Please, sit," Hermione says as she gestures toward the empty seat across from her._

" _No, uh, I'm okay standing," Damon declines. "I was hoping that you would go to Hogsmeade with me."_

 _Hermione, caught by surprise, looks at him in shock, before putting her head down. The voice in her head urges her to say yes and lists reasons as to why she should. "As a date," Hermione questions._

 _Damon doesn't quite laugh, but he eases himself at her question. "Yes Hermione, I don't know you too well, but I'd like to, and I think that the two of us could have a good chemistry, a good relationship."_

 _Hermione still hesitates, and Damon waits for her answer patiently. "Um, yeah, sure, definitely."_

 _The two smile at each other, neither noticing the black-haired boy staring at them in anger._

 **Hey everyone, if you're still reading this far, Thank You. So basically this story is going to have really, really, really slow updates. It took me a few weeks to write this Prologue. But it is longer than I expect most chapters to be, so maybe those chapters will be updated faster. BUT IM NOT SURE.**

 **Either way, you can definitely PM or message me if I take too long.**


	2. Chapter 1

**Wow everyone, thanks for the positive responses. I hope you all like this chapter.**

 **Chapter 1**

Hermione walked into the Gryffindor common room approximately ten minutes before curfew. For some reason, most Gryffindors have already left for their dormitories or elsewhere; either way, the room is empty, with the exception of four fourth year boys: her brother and his friends. Hermione, wearing a cross body bag filled with books, enchanted with a feather-light charm and an undetectable extension charm, walks up toward the four boys. Remus is the first to notice her; she can tell by the way his ears perked up and his head tilted upward, until his eyes met hers. He did not smile.

"Hello boys, Remus," Hermione says as she takes a seat next to Peter, grimacing a little as she does. None of the boys return her greeting. They just look at one another, Remus, James, and Sirius looking somewhat angry, Peter looking anxious. "Erm, what is wrong with all of you?"

Remus clenches his jaw. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me, _Hermione?_ "

Hermione blinks, once, twice, three times. "I'm not sure what you're talking about Remus."

James and Sirius both scoff; Peter looks at his hands, which are clasped, his thumbs twiddling with one another; Remus narrows his eyes. "James _saw_ you today. He heard what happened."

Hermione looks at James, confused. " _What_ exactly did you see?"

James stares back at Hermione, "One word: Damon."

Hermione's eyes widen in surprise. " _Damon?_ Is that what this is about?"

An animal noise comes from Remus' direction. " _Yes!_ That is exactly what this is about. How could you even think about dating?"

"And that too a _Slytherin,"_ James sneers.

Hermione's temper spikes. "Oh who cares if he's a Slytherin! You're just acting like, like prejudiced _assholes!_ "

"It's not prejudice," Sirius yells. "Those people are the _worst of the worst!_ My entire family was in Slytherin; they're some of the worst people I've ever-"

"I know! Everyone knows," Hermione screams at Sirius. Then, quieter, she says, "But just cause they're bad, doesn't mean everyone in Slytherin is."

"Maybe that doesn't, but the fact that they mock Lily for her blood, the fact that they assault Gryffindors for no reason, and the fact that they _taunt you_ for being adopted does." Sirius doesn't raise his voice, but it hardens, making him sound colder than Hermione has ever heard it before.

It's quiet for a moment, until Hermione responds, in a voice softer than before, "if assaulting others for no reason is a sign of badness, then you four are bad as well; you always attack random members of Slytherin for no reason. They may mock Lily for her blood, but you mock her for her friendship with Severus. And as for my adoption, you, Sirius, never refrain from mentioning my adoption. You mention it whenever I try to act as a sister, to _my own brother_."

Now Sirius doesn't know how to respond. "That's not the point. We're talking about your relationship with Damon. He's not the best guy, and he's _older_." It's James that speaks.

"I don't know why you all care so much. You're right, he's older. It's probably not going to last long. And even if it does, it will be my relationship, not yours, my life, not yours. So quite frankly, none of you should even have an input on it." With that, Hermione rises from her seat and begins to walk towards the staircase that will eventually lead to her dorm.

Breakfast the next morning is awkward. As always, all of the fourth year Gryffindors sit next to each other at the table. Conversation is stilted; the marauders, who normally serve as conduits for conversation, don't speak. Hermione focuses her full attention on her food. And Sirius, Remus, and James didn't greet Hermione this morning; she didn't greet them either. Peter and Hermione were the only ones civil to one another. No one, other than the four marauders and Hermione, know what happened, but everyone else knows that something happened. It's common knowledge, at least for the girls that Peter makes Hermione feel awkward, and she doesn't particularly like him; their greeting, alongside the absence of a greeting between the other three, stands out. A lack of greeting, even one as simple as a smile, between the Lupin siblings is strange as well.

Conversation is forced to lull, as no one can remove the tension in the air.

Hermione chooses to skip lunch today in favor of going to the library. She returns some books she took out a while back, and had thoroughly used, before going to her usual seat in the library, all the way in the back. Once there, she crosses her arms on the table and lays her head on it; then, she lets go of the tears she held back all day.

It wasn't fair, how the boys could completely ignore her for no reason. She didn't do anything wrong. Yes, she knew that no matter what she did, she would always not really be one of the fourth year Gryffindors. It felt like she didn't really belong with them. The girls were always closer to one another: Lily and Marlene, Mary and Dorcas, and Emmeline Vance and Alice Black. Her brother was always closer to the other marauders, rather than her, and obviously the boys reciprocated that feeling. The only other boy in the same house and year as her was Tony Banks, who spent most of his time with his cousin in Hufflepuff.

It's not like they're bullying her or ignoring her; she is their friend. But she's always been kept at a distance. Her closest friends are the marauders and Lily, but it's not like she had any real connection with any of them.

She wouldn't tell anyone, but sometimes she wished that she hadn't started coming to Hogwarts. Then, she and Remus would still have been closer than anyone else, and she wouldn't feel so lonely. At the same time, however, she understood that if they hadn't come, she wouldn't be able to do magic, at least not as well as she does now.

Hermione sighs, nearly out of tears. She lifts her head off of her arms and rests her cheek on her arms instead. After some time, Hermione realizes that if she doesn't get up now, she'll be late for Transfiguration, a class she _absolutely_ cannot be late to. Not only is her head of house the teacher, she's also the strictest teacher in school and cannot tolerate tardiness.

She gets up and grabs her things, quickly walking out of the library, before breaking into a run heading towards Transfiguration. She wipes her tears on the way.

The transfiguration lesson today is turning a Guinea fowl into a Guinea pig. As Hermione works on it, Remus watches her.

"I think she's been crying," he tells Sirius, who sits behind him. It would have been easier to tell Peter, who's sitting on his right, but Sirius has always cared more about Hermione than James and Peter. The boys, obviously, know why, but that topic is forbidden.

Sirius, surprising both Remus and James, shrugs his shoulders. "That's not our business. It's _her life,_ remember?" He focuses on his Guinea fowl again.

"Good work Ms. Lupin," the boys hear McGonagall praise. "Five points to Gryffindor."

Sirius rolls his eyes, "of course the _golden girl_ finished first, and _of course,_ it was perfect."

Remus nearly flinches at the coldness in his tone of voice. It's not usual for Sirius to act that way, especially towards Hermione. Sirius has had a soft spot for her since first year; she hadn't done anything special, but Sirius was drawn to her. He described it as a certain kind of light exuding off of her. He described her as someone attractive, not in the way that she looked or talked, but in the way that she was. Whenever Hermione did anything, whether it was finish her work perfectly, earn house points, or spout some obscure knowledge that somehow always helped the boys with their prank, Sirius was the first to praise her, and he did so loudly.

But today, he seemed apathetic towards her, which Remus and James knew to be a cover for the anger he directed towards her. It felt strange, almost unnatural. Somehow, it felt like a betrayal to Remus. How could Sirius possibly be angry at Hermione, for simply doing something that she thought was right and could make her happy.

Not knowing what to say, or even if he wanted to say something, Remus turns himself around, and puts his attention back on his guinea fowl.

Hermione skipped dinner that day, again choosing to spend time in the library. This time, however, she wasn't trying to be alone to cry, she was trying to finish her work. She had an Ancient Runes essay. It was due next week, but, as always, Hermione felt the need to do it early. Madam Pince told her when she had twenty minutes left before curfew, so that Hermione wouldn't be late.

This time when she entered the common room, it wasn't empty. The marauders were off to a side of the room, possibly planning a new prank. Dorcas, Marlene, Mary, and Emmeline were playing exploding snap. Hermione went to join the girls, but refused to play when the girls offered. Instead she took out her work and began to do that instead.

"So Hermione, what's going on with you and the boys?" Hermione looks up from her work to meet Marlene's expecting eyes.

Hermione sighs, "I don't think this is something that we should talk about here."

Emmeline's eyebrows furrow. "Why? Is it something bad?"

Hermione shakes her head, "no, just something private."

After about twenty minutes, the girls drag Hermione upstairs to their dorm, where Alice and Lily are, talking about Alice's relationship with Frank Longbottom, a seventh year Gryffindor.

"Hey guys," Alice greets them.

"Hey Alice," Mary responds, before greeting Lily as well.

"Hermione here is going to tell us what's happening right now," Dorcas says as she walks towards her bed and falls down on it.

Hermione sighs as the six girls look at her expectantly. "It just started yesterday when I came into the common room last night. The boys were the only ones there; by the way, where were the rest of you?"

"Oh, Remus asked us to get out because they had to do something important," Lily responds.

Hermione nods her head, as if that makes sense. "Well the boys wouldn't really talk to me, and when they did, they just asked if I had to tell them something. I had no idea what they could be talking about, and Remus told me that James saw me earlier, and we just got in a fight about what happened." The girls still look at her expectantly, as if she still had something to tell her.

"Well what happened that you guys got in a fight over," Mary asks.

Hermione blushes, "Well, uh, I was in the library earlier that day, and a boy came up to me. Basically he, uh, he asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him."

Marlene looks at her excitedly, "You're going on your first date?" Hermione nods her head. "This is great! We'll get you ready and if I don't have a date for that Hogsmeade, I'll follow you around to see what's happening, so that you don't have to worry about telling us anything."

"Marlene, that's a little strange," Lily responds, looking at her warily.

"Wait, Hermione, who asked you?" Hermione blushes more as Emmeline draws the attention back to her.

"It was Damon Galloway," Hermione responds as she looks at her feet.

" _The_ Damon Galloway!" Marlene nearly screams.

After talking to the girls some time, about Damon Galloway mostly, the girls want to sleep, and Hermione, still wanting to do her homework but not wanting to disturb the others, returns to the common room to work. She was there as most other Gryffindors went up the stairs to go to sleep. She didn't notice as her brother and his best friends left the common room to go to bed. Eventually, she was the only one still in the common room. She noticed that.

Hermione likes working in an empty room, there are no distractions, and she is free to work without feeling as if she's ignoring those around her.

Her stomach makes a noise just as someone enters the common room. Hermione doesn't check to see who it is, but she smells the aroma of food. Her stomach makes another noise. Hermione chides herself on getting distracted. She tries to focus her attention on her Arithmancy calculations, but the smell of food keeps getting closer. Eventually, a plate of steaming food is placed in front of her.

"You skipped lunch and dinner. That's not healthy." She looks up at steely grey eyes, Sirius' eyes.

"I thought you were mad at me." Hermione still accepts the plate.

"I am mad at you, but you weren't wrong. It is your life, and your possible relationship. You've never interfered in my, um, dating life. I shouldn't interfere in yours."

Hermione's eyes fill with water, and she sets the plate of steak and potatoes down and hugs Sirius. "Thank you."

He hugs her back, "whatever makes you happy sweetheart." He kisses the top of her head.

The relationship between Hermione and Sirius is strange, at least to those who are privy to their private relationship. Publicly, they are only friends because of their year, house, and Remus. Sirius doesn't flirt with her the way he flirts with all the other girls in the school, with the exception of most Slytherins. She refrains from lecturing him the way she does to the other three marauders, even Peter, after a prank.

But privately, the two are affectionate enough to be a couple. He makes sure that she never skips dinner, rushing out to the kitchens when Hermione enters the common room. They hug often, and even kisses on the cheek or forehead aren't uncommon. He calls her pet names, sweetheart and kitten being the most common. She lets him rest his head on her lap as she reads or just spends time with the boys. She runs her fingers through his shaggy hair, massaging his scalp. He always has an arm around her, as if he constantly needs reassurance that she is with him.

He has never had a need to protect her publicly, to defend her as if someone has publicly attacked her, but his friends know that she will, should the need ever arise.

She has never yelled at him, at least not in public, but she knows that should he ever worry her, she has no problem lecturing him about safety.

They are not a couple, but they might as well be, at least as far as James, Remus, and Peter are concerned.

 **Wow this chapter ended up a little bit longer than I expected. Thank you so much for reading. Please review to tell me what you think, positive and negative.**

 **Thank you!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Again, thanks so much for your support, and I hope you enjoy.**

 **Oh and just a little warning, there will probably be some heavier language in this chapter.**

 **Chapter 2**

Breakfast the next morning was even stranger than the day before. Hermione sat next to Sirius. Remus and James sat separated from Sirius and Hermione, and Peter and the other girls pretended that nothing was wrong.

They all knew something happened.

"Pass me the toast," Sirius requests of Hermione, a mouth full of eggs. Hermione does so, without second thought.

"Jam," Hermione requests. Sirius gives her some.

Conversation at their sect of the table is stilted.

"I don't understand how you could forgive her so quickly!" Sirius sits in his seat, blankly staring at the angry Remus looking straight at him.

"I don't understand how you can still be mad at her," Sirius retorts, staring into Remus' eyes, the eyes of a predator.

"I don't understand why you two are fighting about this," James retorts, eating an apple, and sitting, one leg over the other, in a dusty chair.

The four marauders sit in an empty classroom, unused for years. It's their regular spot, where they go to hash out arguments and make plans for their next prank. Currently, they are doing the former.

"We," Remus stalks over to James, "are fighting because he forgave Hermione for dating a Slytherin, a _Slytherin._ He hates them more than the rest of us, and he forgave her. Why? Because he fancies himself _in love with her!"_ Remus began speaking in a low tone, but he screams the last four words.

"That isn't what this is about!" Sirius stands up. "It has nothing to do with my feelings for her! Yeah I want her to be happy, and she thinks this Damon guy can do that. But _she's wrong_ , for the first time ever." Remus eyes Sirius. "This Damon guy isn't good; he's going to hurt her. And she's not going to not give him a chance. And he seems determined enough to _be_ with her. Did you know he's been asking about everything she likes?

"So we have to be the ones to make sure that they don't end up together." Sirius' eyes flash dark, a trait characteristic of the delirious Black family.

Remus and James sit talking in hushed tones in the library, somewhere Sirius will never find them.

"He's losing his _bloody_ mind," Remus nearly growls out. "His obsession with my sister, _my sister,_ is getting out of hand."

"I know," James mutters.

"Do you realize what his plan is? It's crazy; it's not going to work."

"Are you sure about that?" James leans back in his chair. "there's a connection there, and we have no idea how deep that goes. And does she even really like Damon? Because we know, for a fact, that she loves Sirius, in one way or another."

"No she doesn't. They are _friends,_ and they will _never_ be anything more." Remus lets out a growl and stands up, knocking his chair down, before stalking away.

James sighs.

Hermione hums as she looks for a certain book on one of the goblin wars. She pulls out a book, and once she does, she can see past the bookshelf. She sees her brother and James Potter. They're talking, and she doesn't want to eavesdrop, but she can't help overhearing what they say.

"-a connection there, and we have no idea how deep that goes." _Who is James talking about_ Hermione wonders. "And does she even really like Damon?" _Oh, they're talking about me, but who do I have a connection with? Damon?_ "Because we know, for a fact, that she loves SIrius, in one way or another." _Is that really true?_

Hermione returns the book, and walks away, before she can hear whatever her brother has to say in response. She saunters over to her usual table, isolated from everyone else, and she thinks.

 _Do I really love Sirius? I mean, I suppose in one way I do; he is a dear friend of mine._

 _But that doesn't mean I love him. He is loud, obnoxious, and has absolutely no respect for women, least of all his mother._

 _And Damon? Well Damon is perfect. Not just in the way he looks, but also in the way is. He is smart, charismatic, and physically attractive._

 _But then again, so is Sirus. And I know him more; we have had so many conversations. I know who he is; he doesn't keep it hidden from me. I know what irritates him and what keeps him sane. I know the smallest of details about him, such as his favorite foods and preferred colors, but I also know more important things about him, like his biggest fears and his dreams for the future. And I know what he loves, what kind of person he's attracted to. I may also be the only one to know about his attraction to both James and Remus, and how he isn't completely straight, unlike his best friends._

 _Compared to Sirius, I don't know Damon at all. Which is true, but maybe that's why James' words affect me so; I know Sirius so well, that I feel an attraction to him. But not a romantic or sexual attraction, simply a friendly attraction: one I could even have with my own brother. Where fate meant for us to be friends and companions._

 _Until James said that I love Sirius, I never even thought about it. It's the only reason I'm considering it. I_ _do not_ _have any feelings for Sirius that way. And my date with Damon next Saturday will solidify that._

Hermione nods her head once, convinced that Damon is the one for her, at least for now, and that Sirius is nothing more than a close friend.

Before she can think anything more, and possibly change her mind, she is interrupted by Damon, who arrives at her table to complete his homework, alongside her.

In the dorm room, Hermione lays on her bed, thinking of her time spent with Damon. He's so thoughtful; he never tries to distract her from her work, and never tries to convince her to work less and spend more time with him. Instead, he joins her, oftentimes helping her find information that she cannot on her own.

But, ever since she heard James and Remus' conversation last week, she has been unsure about their relationship, or their almost relationship really.

She sighs, loudly enough to catch the attention of Dorcas, the only other girl in the dorm.

"What's wrong Hermione?" Hermione sits up and stares at Dorcas' eyes.

"Nothing," Hermione mutters.

"Bullshit," Dorcas blurts out. "You've been laying on your bed for almost twenty minutes. And you've sighed a total of eighteen times; trust me, I know; I counted."

"Oh, believe me Dorcas it's nothing interesting." Hermione looks down at her feet.

Dorcas stands up, off the dresser, where she was brushing her hair, preparing it to try a new hairstyling spell. She walks to Hermione's bed and sits on it, next to Hermione. She puts an arm on her shoulder. "Hermione, trust me, you can tell me what's wrong, especially if it's bothering you so much. I mean, we are friends, and I will always be here to listen to you."

Hermione suddenly bursts into tears.

"Now you definitely have to tell me what happened." She rubs Hermione's back.

"I don't even know why I'm crying; it's really nothing to cry over," Hermione says, shuddering and stuttering on every two words. "I just overheard Remus and James say something in the library last week, and I can't stop thinking about it."

Dorcas lets out a sympathetic noise, "are they still bothering you about Damon? I thought everything was okay between you all now."

Hermione shakes her head, tears still streaming down her face. "It is, but they weren't talking about Damon in the library; they were talking about Sirius."

Dorcas makes a face, that Hermione can't see due to her hands that are covering her face. "What about Sirius?"

Hermione takes a deep breath, "I heard James say that Sirius and I have some sort of connection."

"Well of course, everyone knows that. Why are you so surprised?"

"Then he said that I love Sirius." Hermione rubs her eyes, trying to keep the tears away.

"Oh." Dorcas drops her hand from Hermione's back.

"Yeah," Hermione says tiredly, "oh."

After a few moments of silence, Dorcas speaks. "But do you?" Dorcas sounds wary, almost as if she didn't want to hear the answer.

"I don't know. I've been thinking about it ever since I heard James say it. I know him more; I connect with him; I understand who he is; and, in a sense, I do love him. He has always been on my side, providing comfort and support. Even when the boys were mad at me about Damon, he was the one that continued to talk to me, even though he was the one that felt the most anger. But at the same time, the feelings I have about him are the same feelings I've always had about him, since first year.

"And when I thought about why I would prefer Damon, I realized that Damon is everything I want. He's smart, witty, charismatic, and even physically attractive. But _so is Sirius._

"But at the same time, Damon doesn't have the _dating_ history that Sirius does; he has had a few girlfriends, but none of them ever had anything bad to say about him after their relationship ended. The same can't be said for Sirius. He's slept with a good deal of girls, outside our year as well as in it, and the only girls he's every dated are girls that he's been with to get into their knickers. He has never cared about women or our feelings."

Dorcas just continues to let Hermione talk her feelings out, noticing that she has much more to say about Sirius than about Damon.

The two girls sit, and talk about Hermione's feelings for a good twenty minutes, before Hermione finally says, with finality, "I have to fall in love with Damon; Sirius has never been an option, and he never will be." Hermione stands up and wipes her eyes, thanking Dorcas before leaving the dorm, in order to go to the library.

Dorcas stays sitting on Hermione's bed, lost in thought and worried for her friend's heart.

Professor Flitwick was teaching some lesson or another, but Hermione could not focus today. She sits next to Sirius, and is acutely aware of his presence.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" Sirius whispers into her ear.

"Yes Sirius, why wouldn't I be?" Hermione must lean towards Sirius in order for him to hear her.

"Well, you haven't even looked at me during the lesson."

Hermione sighs, "Just, do you think I'm making a mistake with going to Hogsmeade with Damon on Saturday?" Hermione waits one second, then another, and Sirius still does not respond. "Sirius? I really need you to tell me what to do about Damon."

"Yes, you are making a mistake with Damon."

"Oh." Her face falls, but she isn't sure whether his answer was good or bad.

Unable to see Hermione looking so despondent, Sirius adds, "You shouldn't be second guessing something that hasn't happened yet. You two haven't even had your first date yet, but you're letting other people influence your decision. And you shouldn't, even if it is me and your brother. Let the first date happen; then decide what you're going to do."

Hermione smiles brightly at Sirius. "Thank you so much!" She gives him a kiss to his cheek, which causes him to shiver a little in excitement.

"Miss Lupin, Mr. Black, please restrict that behavior in your free time." Both fourth years look forward at their teacher, cheeks reddening. Their friends look at them with interest, especially James, Remus, and Dorcas.

"Sorry professor," both call out.

Hermione sighs as she writes her DADA homework. She hasn't been able to keep from thinking about what Sirius said earlier in charms. He had a point. She's been worrying about preserving something that may not even happen. And even her dilemma with Sirius is nothing, at least not unless a relationship with Damon doesn't work out.

Satisfied, Hermione continues her DADA homework.

Saturday quickly arrives, and with it Hermione's anticipation of her date with Damon. Hermione wakes earlier than usual, and looks through all of her clothes, trying to find the most attractive clothes she owns.

By six in the morning, a whole hour after she woke, Hermione is still unable to find anything she finds appropriate. "Do you need help with something?" Hermione looks up to see Dorcas staring at her from her bed.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

"Yes," Dorcas moans. "You've been making noise for the last hour at least. What are you doing?"

"Oh I'm sorry. I'm just trying to find something to wear for my date with Damon today."

"Oh that's all?" Hermione looks at her incredulously. "Here, let me help."

Then, in the blink of an eye, Dorcas pulls out an outfit for Hermione, out of seemingly nowhere, and helps her get ready. She refuses to style Hermione's hair, saying that it looks best as it naturally is. She applies nearly no makeup, simply some mascara and a little bit of gloss.

"Thank you Dorcas, I look great."

Dorcas smiles back at her. "It's no problem. I'm just going to try to go back to sleep." She lets out a yawn.

Knowing that she has about an hour and a half before she has to meet Damon by the carriages, Hermione goes down in the common room, hoping that some of her friends are down there for whatever reason.

Her prayers are answered as she sees James and Peter lounging on the couch. "Hello boys," Hermione greets them cheerily.

Both boys return her greeting. "You sound awfully happy this morning," Peter mutters to her. The two boys exchange glances.

"Oh, I'm not happy, just awake. Perhaps I am a little nervous, but not too much."

"Oh, of course. You're date with Damon is today, huh?" James sneers.

Taken aback by the bitterness in James' voice, Hermione blinks a few times. "Uh, yes it is. Is there a problem?" Her tone becomes icy.

"No." James clenches his jaw. He turns away.

Hermione glares at him, and then looks at Peter, a questioning look on her face. He stares back at her, equally as confused and shrugs her shoulders.

Before Hermione can question either boy, she hears the voices of two other people: some of her favorite people.

"No, Robinson clearly has the best knockers in Ravenclaw," Remus argues with Sirius, as the two begin to head down the stairs towards the common room, before they head out to Hogsmeade.

"You're bloody mad! Her knockers don't matter! Johnna whatever-her-last-name-is has a better arse and great tits. Robinson has a flat arse. A good arse and good tits are better than the _best knockers."_ Sirius hits Remus on the arm.

"But Robinson also has nice hair, and Johnna _Wittleton_ has ears bigger than Dumbo. When you hump her-" Remus abruptly stops as his sister comes to view, looking at the stairs that he and Sirius just exited from with disgust.

" _Remus!"_ She begins to berate Remus for his crude language. Sirius just admires her. She's wearing a formfitting sweater, a purple-ish burgundy color, and dark jeans, tapering down her leg to encase her leg perfectly, leaving no part of it to the imagination. She also has a white scarf, probably knitted by herself. Sirius doesn't think she's wearing makeup, but her eyelashes stick out to him, and he does think he detects some lip gloss, making her lips look glossier and plumper than usual. Her hair is at it usually is: wild, curly, flying everywhere, giving her a slightly sensual image, which is considerably recent as she's still _growing_ in many departments.

"Why don't you ever yell at Sirius for what he says?" Sirius tunes back into the two bickering siblings once he hears his name.

"That's because I don't expect better from him. Everyone knows Sirius has absolutely no class whatsoever!" _Ouch._ "He's overrun with hormones; you, on the other hand, are supposed to be well behaved. Not talking about tits and arse and-and _humping!_ "

James rolls his eyes, "whatever. Stop being such a bitch Hermione. Guys, are you ready to go to breakfast?" He doesn't wait for a response and promptly leaves the common room, Peter trailing behind him.

In less than half a second, Sirius follows the two, leaving only Remus and Hermione in the room.

"What did you say to James?"

"I'm not really sure Remus; he just starting acting like this when I was talking to him earlier." Wanting to not focus on herself, Hermione asks him, "why is Sirius in a bad mood?"

Remus shrugs, "I'm not really sure. I think it probably has something to do with the date with Damon today."

"Wait, what? Why would Sirius have a problem with my date? He encouraged me to go on it."

Remus, realizing his mistake, lies, "oh you know how he is. He can't stand Slytherins; the only reason he encouraged you was because it made you feel better. But he hates it; snaps at anyone who mentions it." Hermione grimaces; her date had somehow become a hot topic of conversation in Hogwarts. "He thinks Damon is scum for being in Slytherin; he's not wrong."

Hermione stands there as Remus, too, walks away from her.

 **Longest chapter yet :) Please review.**


	4. Chapter 3

**Okay, so a just because I realized that I totally forgot to say this in the prologue, Hermione is going to be OOC. Honestly I think it makes sense, because part of her character came from being in danger every year and this Hermione wasn't. But, there are still elements to our Hermione here.**

 **ptl4ever419-you asked if this story will stay in this teenage drama land for a while. The answer is yes, I'm hoping for this story to have notable progression. I don't want everything to seem like it's happening quickly. If you remember, it's canon that Voldemort isn't a big issue in the Marauders era until their sixth year. Currently, Hermione and the Marauders are in fourth year, so we still have some time to go. So we'll definitely have real life stuff, but I'm going to have to build up to that.**

 **Chapter 3**

Hermione arrived at by the carriages promptly at eight. _Being right on time is better than being late, and being forced to wait, or being late, making others wait for you._ But it's been about five minutes already, and Damon still hasn't arrived. Hermione once again checks the watch on her left wrist. _I'll give him five more minutes before I leave on my own._

It takes Damon four more minutes to meet Hermione, but he comes with a large bouquet of flowers, handpicked. "So sorry that I'm late. It took some time for me to find the best flowers." He gives her a charming smile, and Hermione naturally smiles back, almost as if it's second nature when she sees a smile like that.

Unable to be mad at someone who went through the trouble of _hand picking_ beautiful flowers for her and arranging them in a bouquet, Hermione chooses to refrain from berating him for his tardiness. The two get a carriage to themselves and head towards Hogsmeade.

Once there, the two walk, side by side, not touching but with very little space between them. Their arms brush every so often.

First they went to Honeydukes, where Damon bought her sugar quills, her favorite. Then, the two went the Quidditch shop; Damon bought himself a broom polisher. Eventually, Damon steered them towards Madame Puddifoot's for lunch.

The two sit at a table, surrounded by pink and frills, and order some tea and biscuits. Sitting across from each other, the two are more nervous than they've been since the fateful day when Damon asked her to Hogsmeade. Both are jittery and conversation is stunted.

Eventually, Hermione blurts out, "I'm sorry Damon, but this just isn't somewhere I'm comfortable."

He lets out a sigh, "Oh thank Merlin, I can't stand this place either, but every girl I've ever dated has always wanted to be here." The two chuckle for a bit, and then Damon asks, "do you want to go somewhere else?"

Hermione laughs and nods her head. Damon stands up, grabs her hand, and tugs her out of her seat. The two quickly exit the the teashop, only a few moments before their tea and biscuits are delivered to them.

They head to the Three Broomsticks, where, once they enter, they look for an isolated table. Hermione and Damon sit down and order a butterbeer.

Remus and Peter sit with two surly marauders. Remus tries to convince Sirius to continue their conversation from earlier, and Peter tries to chat up a fourth year Hufflepuff, named Soraya.

Sirius sneers as Peter nearly spills butterbeer down Soraya's shirt. "He has no skills."

James snorts in agreement, and Remus is slightly grateful that the two are at least reacting to the world around them. "He's just never gonna get laid."

Sirius lets out a scoff. "Neither are you."

Remus sighs; it's too close to the full moon for Remus to deal with them.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that if you keep following Evans, you're always going to be a virgin. She can't stand you; you'll never get her."

"I could say the same about you! It's always _Hermione_ this and _Hermione_ that. But she'll pass you over for a _Slytherin."_ Both spoke in hushed voices, not at all attracting the attention of anyone else around them.

Sirius doesn't respond, but he avoids James' eyes. "I shouldn't have said anything."

James nods his head once. "It's alright." And like that, the two boys are no longer fighting.

But Sirius' eyes close in on the door of the pub. "Speak of the devil," he mutters, loud enough for both of his friends to hear. James and Remus both look in the direction Sirius is staring.

James grinds his back teeth, almost instinctively. "We should go," he nearly growls.

Remus raises his eyebrows. "Why are you so mad at her, anyways? What did my sister do?" Remus chose his words carefully, in order to subtly remind James that Hermione shouldn't be a target for a prank. She shouldn't even be a target of his anger; she didn't do anything wrong.

"Nothing, she did nothing. Leaving isn't even about her. I just want to go; I'm done with butterbeer for now." He stands up; the loud noise of his chair being pushed back is drowned out by the flurry of voices in the room. "Pete!" Peter jumps up, almost knocking Soraya's butterbeer down her shirt again. "I'm going; are you coming?"

Peter looks indecisive, then Soraya puts her hand on his arm, and he shakes his head no, before turning his attention back to her.

Sirius chuckles, "would you look at that? Petey actually got a girl, even after dumping butterbeer down her shirt."

Remus shakes his head, and gets up to accompany James, who is currently nearing the door. _If Sirius wants to keep drinking so badly, he can watch over Pete too._

Once everyone is back in the castle, Damon walks Hermione back to her tower. They stand in front of the portrait that serves as the "I really liked spending time with you Hermione; I'd like to keep doing it, if you want to, I mean."

Hermione smiles at him, "Yes that would be great." Hermione fully expects Damon to attempt to kiss her now. The girls have harassed her about this date often enough, that she knows exactly what's _supposed_ to happen.

 _But it doesn't._

"I guess this is where we say goodbye." Damon smils at her, and gestures towards the portrait. The woman in the painting pretending to look away. Damon then grabs her hand, and brings it up to his lips. Hermione looks into his eyes as he does so, her lips parted in surprise.

"Uh, yes Damon. Goodbye," Hermione struggles out. She turns and whispers the password to the portrait, which swings open to allow her in.

Damon turns around and begins to leave once the portrait safely closes.

Word quickly spread that Hermione and Damon had a good date. Over the next few months, the couple gets closer. They spend all of their alone time together, studying or doing homework. Sirius had warned Hermione about dating an older guy, especially one like Damon. He, and the other boys, told her to be careful because Damon may pressure her for sex. But he never did. He always kept in mind how comfortable she was, and rarely, if ever, touched her anywhere other than her waist, hand, or face, even whilst kissing.

This all pleased Hermione, because she found the perfect guy for her. He was everything everyone said he was, and it was safe to say that she is smitten.

Damon had expressed an interest in knowing everyone of significance to her, and Hermione is happy to report that after getting to know him, James, Sirius, and Remus even began to accept him, or at least tolerate him.

By the time the winter hols come around, Damon has convinced Hermione to stay in Hogwarts for the first time, but not after they had their first fight.

 _When Damon asks her to stay, Hermione replies with a, "why can't you just visit me, or I can visit you? There is no need for me to stay here."_

" _It's just that my family, my father especially, hold true to old pureblooded beliefs." Damon shrugs and looks away from Hermione._

 _Hermione's ire rises. "Oh and I'm not good enough for your parents then?" Hermione tries not to shout, considering they're in the library._

 _Damon sighs, and runs his hand over his head, turning away from Hermione for a second, before looking back at her. "That's not what I'm trying to say. It's just that they would try to make sure that the two of us can't be together." He grabs one of Hermione's hands and pulls it towards his chest, right above where his heart is. "Right now, all they know about you is that you're a Gryffindor and possibly a pureblood. Until they meet you, they can't say anything."_

 _Hermione just looks at Damon for a few moments in silence, contemplating how to respond. He just continues to stare into her eyes, knowing that she needs time to process what he just said. "Fine," Hermione swallows. "I'll stay, but only if you do too."_

 _Damon nods once, "Of course. I can't just come back to Hogwarts whenever I want. I will tell my father that I'm staying during the hols."_

Christmas day, Hermione finds herself to be, not unhappy exactly, but not necessarily merry either. It's the first Christmas she has ever spent without Remus, at least for as long as she can remember, and the first Christmas away from Sirius and James since they met.

Even Madame Pince isn't at Hogwarts, apparently even she has somewhere to go.

Hermione would be lying if she said she didn't regret staying back for Damon. He ended up still leaving to go home; apparently his father had something urgent to talk to him about. So Hermione is at Hogwarts, alone. All she can do is work.

So she spends a majority of her days during the hols sitting in the dorm or the common room doing work, eventually learning information weeks ahead of the current curriculum.

She did get the chance to send her gifts to her friends and family, courtesy of the Hogwarts Owls that reside at the school year round. She received quite a few too, but is waiting until after Christmas dinner to open them.

Hermione sighs, as she flips yet another page of the book she's reading, a not-so-fascinating novel about one of the many goblin wars. She looks over at the pile of presents next to her bed. Shaking her head, inwardly reminding herself to wait until after dinner, Hermione returns to her book.

A few short minutes later, Hermione looks at the pile again. This had been going on for the last hour and a half.

Finally tiring of the goblin wars, Hermione thinks ' _Oh, what the hell'_ and puts her book aside, hopping off her bed and down to the pile of gifts. As is custom, she opens the gifts starting with the one her parents gave her.

Swiftly, but by no means messily, unwrapping the paper, Hermione opens the package to reveal a beautiful, leather journal. She opens the inside, surveying the insides of the journal, running her hand over the paper-it's of good quality.

Hope and Lyall have never much money, even less after the attack on Remus, so every gift was more sentimental, more personal than it was superficial or extravagant, which was what Hermione preferred anyways.

Gently resting the journal next to her book on the goblin warns, Hermione continues to open her presents: first Remus', then those from her friends.

Remus gave her a set of average quills, knowing that she's practically destroyed her's by this time of year. Lily gave her a sweater, a deep purple color. Mary, Emmeline, and Peter all gave her candy from Honeydukes. James and Sirius gave her one singular present-a delicate necklace with a canary shaped pendent. Dorcas bought Hermione new shoes, leaving a note telling her that her old ones were too outdated to be worn anymore.

And Marlene gave her a present that left her red for nearly an hour.

Hermione sat in one of the couches in the Gryffindor common room, shifting frequently. Today, everyone would be coming back to Hogwarts, and she could stop being so damned bored all the time. Hermione lifts one leg to sit under her, leaving the other to hang over the couch, hovering over the floor.

Hermione probably wouldn't admit it if anyone asked her, but winter hols this year were a pain without her friends and family, especially because Damon left her here by herself, for God knows what reason.

Ever since Damon left Hermione at Hogwarts over the winter holidays, their relationship has suffered, at least in Hermione's opinion. Damon seemed as happy as ever.

Hermione's days are spent in a state of melancholy. She attends classes practically all day. She eats meals with her friends and brother. When she finds time in between classes or over the weekends, she studies in the library.

She still sees Damon the same amount as before, mostly while studying. He's always showing her physical attention, but it doesn't feel _enough_ anymore.

But she can't break up with him. Hermione hates to admit it, but she doesn't necessarily want to break up with him. True, she's unhappy, but he isn't hitting her or cheating on her. Damon treats Hermione well.

And if she's being completely honest, Hermione likes that she's with one of the most desired students on campus. People have stopped looking at her as if she's _just_ Remus' sister. They look at her like she's _someone_ worth knowing. Why else would _the_ Damon Galloway be interested in her?

Other students have only resented her her ingenuity in the past, but now they admire that about her. Rumour has it that that's one of the reasons Damon is _so_ infatuated with her.

But Hermione doesn't see it that way.

Once again, she's alone in this big school, and has no one to turn to.

Remus loves his sister over everything and everyone in the world. He knows her just as well as he knows himself. Maybe that's how he knows that something's wrong with her.

Ever since he got back, Hermione had been different. She smiled just as much, and none of her habits changed, but Remus just knew that she was different. Two months of watching Hermione without that light in her eyes left Remus worried in a way he hadn't been since she first came to live with him and his family.

Deciding to talk to her that night, once the Common room was empty was a decision he made after deliberating all throughout lunch. Peter kept sending him worried looks, because Remus wasn't eating. Remus disregarded them.

He spent the many hours in between lunch and curfew constantly switching back and forth with his decision.

When everyone had cleared out of the common room, including his friends, Remus continues to look at his sister, who was sitting by herself, studying.

She looks healthy; she had been eating. Remus was glad for that. But her face looks so gaunt, almost like her skin was collapsing on itself. Her eyes continually space out as she does her work, as if she's lost in thought. Normally when Hermione works, she's completely focused on her books and her parchment. She rarely, if ever, thinks about something else.

Remus takes a deep breath and gets up from his seat, before walking over to where his younger sister is. He sits next to her. Hermione turns her head to look at him and smile, before turning back to her parchment. He clears his throat. "Umm, Hermione," he manages to say when she doesn't turn to look at him.

"Yes Remus," Hermione replies, still looking at her homework.

"Can you look at me? I want to talk to you. It's important." Hermione sighs, before placing her quill down and she turns her body to face Remus. "Okay good. I just wanted to make sure that you are okay, doing well, feeling happy."

She smiles at him, but Remus notes that it's the type of smile you flash when you're hiding a secret. "Of course I am Remus."

"Are you sure? Because it doesn't feel that way. You've been, well, _off_ ever since the winter hols. Did something happen with Damon?"

Hermione rolls her eyes, her fake smile falling off her face. "Why would you assume that there's something wrong between Damon and I? We've been perfectly fine. I enjoy my time with him. And honestly Remus, if this is still about how you boys don't like him, you can drop the issue. I have no reason to tell you anything. And I think it would be better if you just stop trying to interfere in my life." With that Hermione stands up, grabs her things, and walks away from her brother.

' _Well if nothing else, at least I learned that it is Damon that's making her unhappy.'_

 **Wow, I'm so sorry this took so long. I honestly struggled with this chapter. That being said, I'm actually pretty proud of this chapter. The next chapter should progress much quicker.**

 **Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it. Please review and tell me what you think :)**


	5. Chapter 4

**Hey guys, so I guess I'm a liar. I really meant for this to come out earlier. It just didn't. I'm honestly so swamped with work and life. There's been a lot of drama in my life. It's after 1 in the morning where I am right now(starting the chapter).**

 **Also, I just realized that my scene breakers aren't showing up. I honestly didn't know. I know that it makes some things more confusing. I'm gonna change that starting this chapter. Hopefully, I'll go back and update the previous chapters.**

 **Chapter 4**

"Slytherin's having a party tomorrow night, to celebrate our win against Ravenclaw," Damon says, while staring at a textbook on their study table.

Hermione, initially barely registering his voice, asks him to repeat himself. Once he does, she questions," and?"

Damon clears his throat. "Well, I'm the quidditch captain, and I'd like to have my girlfriend with me, at my party."

"We don't even know if you're going to win Ravenclaw tomorrow." Hermione turns the page in her potions book.

"Of course we are; both their keeper and their seeker are obviously pitiful." Damon scoffs. "Well, it's not like you would know."

Hermione can feel her ire rising, "What exactly do you mean? Some of my best friends play quidditch; I can differentiate between good and bad players."

"Are you sure, _sweetbeart_? It's not as if you've ever even cared for the sport."

"That doesn't mean that I can't recognize greatness." Hermione shuts her book, and gathers her things. "I'm done with tonight's work load. I will see you later."

"Wait, Hermione!" Hermione doesn't turn around as Damon calls her.

xxx

"Regulus, we need to talk."

Young Regulus Black looks up at his older brother, his former idol. As he does, he folds a piece of parchment and hides it in his book. He sneers. "What about?"

Sirius sits down, next to Regulus, on the cold stone of Hogwarts castle. "It's about mother."

Regulus rolls his eyes. "What about mother?"

"Well, I don't think she's doing okay." Sirius seems to want to continue talking, but Regulus interrupts him.

"Of course she isn't doing okay. The heir to the Black family fortune was sorted into Gryffindor, _Gryffindor_ of all places."

Sirius waves his hand in a disregarding motion, "well yes, but I meant that she's doing worse than usual. She sent me a letter the other day, which is shocking in and of itself. The content, however, was more surprising. Have you ever heard of this man by the name of Lord Voldemort? Well, he's this fanaticist, totally against half-bloods and muggleborns, believes in the superiority of pureblooded wizards over all other beings, sentient or otherwise. He basically promotes everything mother and father believe in. Well, in her letter, she briefly mentioned donating money to his cause."

Regulus cocks an eyebrow, "And this is surprising because?"

"His plan for supremacy is to kill every witch or wizard with unpure blood."

"Will you tell me the significance of this already? Oh, and the word is impure not unpure."

Again, Sirius disregards his statements. "It's crazy. I mean, I understand the idea of supremacy, the idea that we purebloods are better than half-bloods or even mudbloods. But is killing a _lesser species_ really the best method to ensure our continued, successful existence? Consider this, if half-bloods and mudbloods don't do the less desirable jobs, such as teaching, then we purebloods have to do it. Death is simply not the best means to protect ourselves."

Regulus looks to ponder on that thought. "I'll let you think over that. Personally, I believe that it's better to have mudbloods serve us than to have our own work. But mother won't listen to the reason behind this, simply because I am the one telling her."

With that, Sirius leaves.

Regulus unfolds the parchment.

 _Meet me in the usual place at 11 tonight. We need to talk._

 _Damon G._

xxx

"I know it's been four years, but it still hurts." Lily runs a dainty hand through her long, flowing hair. "Petunia is still my sister. I love her with all my heart, but she never writes back. I can deal with that I have been dealing with that. But now, she just sent my letter back, without even opening it! How terrible is that?"

Remus makes a noncommittal noise. He's honestly too busy thinking about Hermione. He, like any good, responsible, older brother, worries for his younger sister.

Not only is Damon somehow upsetting Hermione, but they've also been dating for months now. Damon is an older guy, and like all teenaged boys, he must be thinking about sex. Perhaps Damon's pressuring Hermione; it could be why she's so upset all the time. Or maybe he's already pressured her into doing something she doesn't want to do.

Maybe that's not even an issue; hopefully she's realizing that she has no real feelings for Damon and that she should just leave him. Maybe it's the guilt of breaking his heart that's upsetting her.

Remus shakes his head; no that can't be right.

"You really think I shouldn't?" Remus is called into focus when Lily speaks softly.

"Uh, no?" Remus nearly cringes at his response. It sounds more like a question than an actual answer.

"Well, I suppose if his best friend doesn't think it's worth it for me to date him, then James obviously isn't the right boy for me."

Remus nearly hits himself when he realizes that he just prevented James from dating the "love of his life."

xxx

Sirius looks behind him, to make sure no one is following him.

Nobody is.

Sirius is just paranoid.

He enters the dusty, unused room, where his best friends are waiting for him. He barely sits down before James asks him, "did you do it?"

"Yes, Merlin, don't let me sit. Ask me about whatever. A man can't even breathe in this world."

Sirius looks straight at Remus, who was glaring at him; his face completely blank. " _Sirius."_

Sirius sighs. "Yes, I told him exactly what you all wanted me to. Hopefully, he thinks that I actually still believe in that blood purity stuff."

"Good, and the other thing," James questions.

"He was hiding some sort of parchment. I used that spell we made; I have a copy of it with me." He pulls parchment out of his sleeve, and opens it. "It's a note from Hermione's boyfriend. He wants to meet with Reg at 11, tonight."

"Why would he want to do that," Peter speaks out.

The other three don't respond, they just look at each other, large smirks on their faces.

xxx

That night, many Hogwarts students go to bed, struggling with their thoughts.

Lily worries about her relationship with her sister, Petunia, and with her slowly developing feelings for James Potter the resident "toe rag" of Gryffindor.

James sleeps worried about whether Lily Evans will ever accept his love and if Hermione will ever stop breaking his best friend's heart.

Remus lays in bed, agonizing over his sister.

Sirius worries for his family, and whether or not they can escape Voldemort's clutches unscathed. He may also care about Hermione's well being and how James and Remus will react when he finally reveals his biggest secret.

Hermione struggles with her loneliness and her increasing unhappiness with her relationship with Damon, and maybe also with the question of whether or not she has feelings for one Sirius Black.

And Regulus? Well he can't sleep at all, simply because of his meeting with Damon Galloway.

xxx

Damon was right about the quidditch game. Hermione sighs just thinking about it. She doesn't want to go to the Slytherin common room for a _stupid, bloody_ quidditch party, celebration, whatever.

But she has to.

Hermione lays on her bed, in the room by herself. She knows that she _needs_ to be a good girlfriend. She's never failed at anything before; how can she fail at something that so many girls do so well?

Hermione sighs again, and decides that yes, she will go, but she'll go late, and leave early. There's no rule that she has to be there for as long as Damon is at the party.

xxx

James sees Peter and Sirius near the end of Quidditch practice. He eagerly awaits the end of practice to talk to his friends.

After changing his clothes, not taking a shower beforehand. The bleachers are still slightly messy from the game that ended only 1 hour previous. He sits with his two friends.

"Jamie! You'll never believe what Peter saw and heard last night." James looks at Peter, but Sirius doesn't stop talking. "It's gonna end everything between Hermione and Damon. It's perfect! I have a perfect plan to let her know and everything."

xxx

The Slytherin party started two hours ago, but Hermione hasn't shown up yet. Damon looks around, slightly annoyed that his girlfriend doesn't even want to show to his own party, celebrating _him._

But Damon also sighs; he knows that it's partially his fault. He hasn't been the best boyfriend since the winter hols, but sometimes things have to be a certain way.

Damon needs things to be a certain way.

Regulus, a third-year and the only person who knows his secret, walks by, and Damon catches his eye.

He chugs his entire glass of firewhiskey.

xxx

Hermione enters the Slytherin common. Almost immediately she can feel the judgemental eyes of most of the Slytherins in the room, which essentially constitutes the entire party.

She quickly grabs a drink, firewhiskey of course, and looks around for her boyfriend as she pretends to take a drink.

Eventually, a girl in Damon's year comes up to her. "If you're looking for Damon," she pauses and then sneers at her, judging her. "He went to his dorm. I expect you to know where it is."

She's right; Hermione does know where it is. She sighs and walks towards his dorm. Once there, she knocks. She gets no response, so she knocks again, louder this time.

There's still no response so she just opens the door.

She's shocked by what she sees.

Her boyfriend's lips attached to someone else's and his hands down someone else's pants. That's not as surprising; some part of her understood that it was possible that he was cheating on her, or wasn't really attached to her.

What was surprising was the someone else. It was Sirius. One of her closest friends.

Sirius Black, her brother's best friend, was kissing her boyfriend.

"Damon!" The two boys pull away from each other. Damon's hands shoot out of Sirius' pants, and he rubs his hand on his own leg, as if that will erase what he just did. Sirius shakes his head and looks at Hermione, as if she's the one to blame for her boyfriend kissing him. "Sirius," she breathes out, a tone of betrayal heavy in her voice. She turns around, ready to walk away.

"Wait! Hermione."

She doesn't turn around when she hears Damon say her name.

 **Wow guys, so this was a wayyy shorter chapter than usual. So sorry about that, but I did what I really needed to do.**

 **I'd like to hear all your thoughts on this. :)**


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Hermione! Wait," Sirius calls out, after he ducks out of the Slytherin Common room, hopefully without anyone noticing that he _is_ Sirius and not Regulus. Hermione, ignoring him, continues to march the familiar way to Gryffindor.

Sirius runs faster to reach her. He grabs her wrist; she pulls away. "Please Hermione, just give me a chance to explain. "

"Explain what," Hermione whispers angrily. "Explain why I caught my boyfriend's hands down your pants, my friend's pants?"

"Yes!" He looks deeply into Hermione's eyes. "Look, I've always said that Damon wasn't good enough for you. There was always something about him that didn't sit right with me." Hermione opens her mouth to retort. "Wait, please, I'm not done. A few days ago, I saw Damon with my younger brother, Regulus. I thought it was weird, because what would a sixth year be doing with a third year? Yesterday, two things happened. I got a letter from my mother and I saw Damon kind of discreetly hand Regulus a folded piece of parchment. I went to talk to him about what my mother said in the letter. At the same time, when he wasn't paying attention, I used a spell James taught me to copy whatever the parchment said. It was a note to meet him at 11. I told Petey, and he followed Regulus to where he met Damon. He saw them talking and together we realized that they were, are, dating, but in secret. Homosexuality isn't allowed in Pureblood society, you know.

"I realized that I had to do _something, anything_ for you to find out about him and Regulus. But I know my brother enough to know that he would _never_ do anything where he could get caught. So I had to manipulate the situation so that you could see the truth. When I saw you leave for the party, I did too. I got there before you, so I took my chance and got him alone. Before he could even tell that it was me and _not_ my brother, I kissed him, with the hope that you would find us soon enough."

He spoke quick as lightning. When he stops, everything is silent. Hermione tries to digest everything that he tells her. Sirius waits for her, praying that she forgives him, or says she understands, or _something._

It takes a few minutes, but Hermione finally speaks. "You tried to do a good thing." Sirius smiles, believing himself to be forgiven. "But what you did, it wasn't. You made out with my boyfriend! Maybe you should've just told me the truth taken a picture of Damon and Regulus to _show_ me. Instead, you _helped_ Damon _cheat_ on me. I don't know if I can trust you ever again. I don't even know if I want to."

She steps away from him, and continues on her way to the Gryffindor Common room.

Sirius stands there for a few minutes, counting the steps Hermione takes away from him, before he begins to slowly follow her, only wanting to go to bed, for now, for forever.

xxx

Breakfast on Monday is strained. No one knows what has happened, with the exception of Sirius, Hermione, Peter, and James. Even Remus doesn't know. Hermione spent all of Sunday in her bed, mulling over Sirius' decision. Sirius spent all day in bed as well, praying every three seconds that Hermione would manage to forgive him.

Still, the two sit next to each other, even if Hermione faces the other direction and refuses to speak to him.

xxx

Nearly two weeks after the entire incident, Remus finally gains the courage, or perhaps the word should be desire, to question Hermione.

He went to the library, at a time when she would have been with Damon, had she still been dating him. After the breakup, however, she spent this time by herself, lost in her thoughts and feelings of loneliness. Remus stood watching his younger sister for five minutes, noting the differences in her face, posture, and general disposition. When she first began to date Damon, despite the arguments with him and his friends, she seemed so happy; her face looked luminescent. Even when she and Damon fought, when she felt somewhat deserted or abandoned by him, she never lost that glow. Remus knew she spent much of her time with Damon unhappy, especially towards the end of the relationship, but she looked healthy. Now her face looks sallow. His sister always sat back rigidly straight, posture perfect. It was partially because she felt indebted to their parents, he knew, that she felt that she had to be perfect in everything she did, that included the way she sat. Now, however, she's sitting slouched over her book, pretending to read, which he only knows, because for the entire time he's been watching her, she has neither turned the page nor slightly turned her head, which is normally indicative that she has begun reading the other page.

Hermione, for her part, has noticed her brother watching her, and has done her best not to fidget. However, she soon grows nervous, and tired, and wants nothing more than to cry in peace, without her protective older brother hovering over her. Keeping her tears at bay so she can tell Remus to leave her. "Are you going to sit, or are you just going to stand there?" She never tears her eyes away from her book.

Remus is startled, expecting Hermione to have been paying too much attention to her thoughts to have noticed him, "yeah, yeah." He pulls out the chair next to her, and sits down. He looks at her for a while, whereas she still hasn't looked away from her book. "I just, I need to know what happened, with Damon, and Sirius."

"I don't want to talk about it," She says, before turning the page, pretending to have just read the page she was staring at.

"Yeah, you don't want to talk about anything, to anyone. No one knows why you two broke up; no one knows what's wrong with you and Sirius. I'm your older brother; I just want what's best for you."

"Sirius knows why Damon and I broke up, he knows what's wrong with us too. And if you wanted to know what's happening, you could just talk to him." Her eyes scan the book, but her mind doesn't register the words she sees.

"But I don't want to ask Sirius what's wrong with _my_ sister; I want you to tell me."

Hermione sighs, and turns to face her brother, who looks at her, eyebrows furrowed with worry. "Are you sure you want to know?"

Remus nods his head.

xxx

Sirius was sitting in the Gryffindor common room when Remus finally came in, followed by Hermione. "You really broke Damon and Hermione up!" The entire room stills,

James, who was sitting next to Peter on the floor, stood up and put his hands on Remus' chest. "Wait a second Remus." Then, turning to the rest of the Gryffindors in the room, he loudly asked, "Can we get some privacy?" As if told that McGonagall was entering to punish students, they entire room cleared, with the exception of Remus, Sirius, James, Peter, and Hermione, by the entrance.

Once the room clears, Remus, still radiating anger, begins to push and yell a standing Sirius. "What the _hell_ were you thinking? I can't believe you would purposely break up my sister's relationship! And what for? Because you have a little crush on her?"

"Hey," James interrupts. "We don't talk about that. Especially not with her right here." James points in Hermione's direction. "Do you even-"

"No James, stop," Sirius interrupts James. "Remus, I was looking out for Hermione; _however_ I could. I know that it probably wasn't the right way, but I _care_ about her." He looks passed Remus, to Hermione, who was still standing by the entrance, not really wanting to be there. They lock eyes. "I've always cared about her."

Hermione breaks eye contact with Sirius and looks away.

"You know how much I care about her. I found out that her boyfriend was-that he was-Damon, he-" Sirius starts to stutter.

"Damon was cheating on Hermione," Peter supplies.

"Yes! Thank you Peter," Sirius exclaims. "That was happening; I found out. And I wanted her to _know._ That was what was important to me. She never would have believed me, not after the months of me telling her how much I _hated_ that relationship! So I showed her."

"Oh please!" All four boys look at Hermione, who stormed up toward them. "Tell him about the part where I _found_ you, with your hand down his pants!"

"What," Remus, Peter, and James all cried out.

"Oh! Sirius have you still not told them?"

"Wait Hermione, please don't," Sirius nearly begs. The other boys start talking too, leaving the room a jumbled mess of voices, all speaking over the other.

"Don't worry, I'll do it for you."

"Hermione!"

"Sirius thinks about boys too!" The entire room falls silent, as all four boys look at her: Remus, Peter, and James looked between the two, in shock over her revelation, and Sirius, he looks at her, betrayed. "In fact, James, Remus, he's thought about the two of you a lot over the past couple of years."

"Hermione! I told you that in confidence," Sirius yells, making Hermione and Peter flinch. "I trusted you to not tell anybody until I was ready!"

"Yeah," Hermione asks calmly. "Well, I trusted you not to make out with my boyfriend. I guess we were both wrong." She makes eye contact with Sirius once again, and then, after a moment, she turns towards the stairs leading up to her shared dormitory.

Once she reaches the stairs, she sees Lily and Marlene. She pales, hoping that they didn't hear anything. The looks on their faces, however, tells her otherwise. "Why would you do that to Sirius?" Both girls look at her expectantly, waiting for her to respond to Lily's question.

xxx

"Hermione! Stop and listen to me!" Hermione turns around, to look at Lily, who had been following her around the castle all day.

"What? I already know that _everyone_ in this _bloody_ castle currently hates me."

"You can't seriously blame them?" Hermione scoffs and Lily rolls her eyes at her friend. "You told basically told everyone something personal about _Sirius_."

"Oh and because he's apparently some sort of saint," Hermione, in a rage, cuts Lily off. "It's as if you've all forgotten what he did to me!"

"And that's supposed to make what you did better? As far as I'm concerned, what you did was worse; Sirius did it to _help_ you; you did it to _hurt_ him."

Hermione folds her hands into fists, and steps in towards Lily. "So what now? Are you mad at me? Are you disgusted by me?" Her voice took on a low, and seemingly dark, voice and tone. Hermione silently compels Lily to stop talking.

Lily, not fearing her friend, refuses to drop this conversation. "Quite frankly, yes, I am somewhat disgusted by you. We all are. You are-"

"Well that's fine," Hermione exclaims as she takes a step back from Lily. Her voice grows louder, more frantic as she states, "I don't need you. I don't need Sirius. I don't need any of you. And if I disgust you all _so_ much, you can all stay as far away from me as you _bloody_ can! I have no use for any of you." Hermione turns away from Lily, and continues onwards to her previous destination.

Lily is left staring as her friend storms away from her.

xxx

And so, Hermione ended her fourth year at Hogwarts estranged from everyone she knew. All of her friends, in Gryffindor or otherwise.

Gryffindors couldn't believe that she had hurt a member of their "royalty."

Hufflepuffs were angered that she would show such disloyalty.

Ravenclaws just wanted to stay out of the mess.

And Hermione didn't speak to Slytherins anyways; although, if she did, they were certainly more impressed than not.

xxx

"Hermione," Remus calls to his sister, who promptly ignores him. "Hermione, can you _please_ just listen to me?" Hermione continues to ignore him, walking passed him and the compartment he and his friends sit in. Remus sighs and closes the compartment door, before sitting down.

"Just leave her alone Remus," Peter offers from his seat beside Sirius. "She pulled some major shit over Sirius."

"She's still my sister okay? She doesn't have to be perfect for me to want to make sure she's alright."

"You can watch out for her, but don't invite her in _here_. Not unless she can somehow take back what she did," James responds, malice in his voice.

His tone catches the attention of Sirius, who had been staring out of the window. "Leave Remus alone. She was upset, and she didn't know people would be listening. Hermione only meant for it to stay between the five of us." Both James and Remus caught Sirius flinching as he said her name.

"I don't believe that. _She_ 's too smart to not think about the _possibility_ that someone would be listening."

"James is right." Peter supplies. "She's a genius; one of the smartest girls in _all_ of Hogwarts."

"She was angry okay? She wasn't being rational."

"Sirius! Why are you defending her? Your parents are going to kill you when you get home, because she told everyone." Sirius knew that James was right. Once the entire school found out, it was only a matter of time until someone told their parents. Pureblooded parents would definitely tell his parents, basking in the revelation that Sirius was, decidedly, morally corrupt. His parents, in turn, would respond by trying to "correct" his behaviour, which they so often failed at. Not that Sirius believed this, his attraction to men as well as women, could be "corrected"; in fact, Sirius didn't even _want_ to "correct" it.

"Look, I know that my parents aren't going to react well. This was always going to happen. But I can't lose Hermione. She means so much to me; I honestly feel like she's _the one_ for me. James, she's my Evans."

"Why stick with Hermione, a girl who fucking stabbed you in the back, when you have dozens of good options just here in Hogwarts, and that's just the girls. You have another good handful of options in the men of Hogwarts too. There are literally all kinds of fish in the sea for you; why stick with just one?"

"James, just because I'm attracted to guys and girls doesn't mean I'm open to just anyone. I want Hermione."

James just sighs.

xxx

Once the Hogwarts Express lands in King's Crossing, Hermione rushes out, hoping that she and her family can leave quickly. The train ride took a lot out of her. After denouncing her friendship with everyone who hadn't rejected her after finding out what she did, Hermione had nowhere to sit on the ride home. She eventually sat in a compartment with Ravenclaws she didn't know. Why didn't she know them? Because they were first years.

Hermione, dragging her trunk along, spots her parents. Seeing them, she feels a joy she hadn't felt for a better part of the year. It nearly overwhelms her, and tears build up in her eyes. She runs towards them. Reaching her father first, she hugs him tightly, letting a few tears and sobs crack through their barriers.

"Hey, hey, Hermione, what's wrong dearest?" Her mother wipes some tears off of her face as Hermione embraces her. Hermione bites her lip and shakes her head.

She blinks quickly, as to prevent any more tears from falling, and looks around the station. Seeing James approach with Remus, she turns back to her parents. "Can I have the keys to the car?" Hope and Lyall exchange a look.

"Here," Lyall says, handing over the keys to his '53 Austin. Hermione quickly grabs the keys and runs away from her parents, through to the muggle King's Cross, and eventually towards the car.

She left just in time to avoid James and her brother.

xxx

That first week of Summer was terrible for Hermione. She stayed in her room all day, reading books about Wizard history, one of her favorite subjects. She even wrote quite a few essays on wizarding topics, such as: Greek influences on modern magic, prejudice against squibs and muggleborns in modern wizarding society, and the treatment of House elves by large organizations and rich, pureblood families. She also considered writing a little bit on muggle problems, many of which could also apply to wizarding britain: the need for working women in the economy, questions about the "role of women" in accordance to muggle society, the treatment of mental illnesses, the _belief_ that homosexuality is a mental illness.

After the full moon, only two days after their arrival in King's Cross, Remus left for James' house, where he would spend the next month, returning only for the next full moon.

Hermione was glad that her brother was gone; it meant she didn't have to fear ostracization in her own home. Her parents were left unaware of what bothered her and kept her locked up. Still, she did not leave her room.

Eventually, Hope decided to talk to her daughter, to encourage her to step outside, if not talk about what's bothering her. "Hermione," she began. Hermione looks up from her book, a muggle novel titled _Carrie._ She smiles at her mother, who is relieved to see her daughter's smile, for what feels like the first time in years. Hope takes the liberty of sitting next to Hermione on her twin sized bed. "I just wanted to know if you had made any plans with your friends, the way Remus has." Immediately, Hermione's smile drops and she sighs.

"No mom, I don't feel like being in the wizarding world this summer." Hope is astonished; her daughter loves the wizarding world.

She, however, chooses to remain silent on that. "Well that doesn't mean you should cut yourself off from the muggle world too." Hermione looks at her mother in surprise. "I grew up in the muggle world, and it's lovely. Every now and then, I take a break from our world, and step into the life of a muggle. It's refreshing. Maybe you can try it too."

Hermione sits quietly for a moment or two, before replying, "you know what mom? I think I might just do that. I need a little fresh air anyways."

Hope smiles.

xxx

Muggle London is not easy to navigate. Hermione assumed that she would instinctively know where to go and what to do; she was wrong. For the last three hours, she has wandered the London streets, trying to see what was 'lovely' about it. So far she found nothing. There's too much noise, too much filth, and too much clutter to enjoy a walk on the streets.

Walking along, Hermione sees an image of cake on a window. Suddenly, her stomach growls and Hermione decides to go in. Once inside, she orders a slice of apple pie, which would be ready in approximately ten minutes, and sits in a booth by herself. While waiting for her pie, she stares out of the window.

"Here you go," a matronly waitress places Hermione's pie in front of her, on the table. Hermione thanks her, smiling politely, but looking only at the table in front of her.

Once she has her first bite, she moans in pleasure. As she continues to eat her slice, she slowly becomes addicted to the pie.

xxx

Every day, Hermione would leave her house and walk to the bakery where she had that delicious apple pie. The employees began to recognize her, and she slowly began talking to them. At the same time, she ignored all phone calls from her brother and her girl friends at Hogwarts. She never replied to mail either.

One day, as she was leaving the bakery, she impulsively turned right instead of left, walking in the opposite direction of her house. She strolled along, eventually stopping when she smelt a strange smell. It was earthy, almost like something she'd grow in Herbology, but also somewhat sweet. She stopped walking and sniffed the air a bit. Deciding to investigate this different scent, she followed her nose. The incessant voice inside her head screamed at her to not follow the smell. She almost chose to listen to it, but then she remembered that nearly a year ago, that same voice urged her to say yes to Damon Galloway's date.

Turning into an alley, she found three boys, about her age, maybe a year or two older. Each one had some sort of cylinder, similar to a cigar or cigarette, either between their hands or between their lips, with smoke coming out of it.

Hermione felt awkward, not knowing if she should say something or leave. The choice is made for her when one of the boys calls out to her. "Aye, ya want some?"

Eyeing the tall redheaded boy, she replies. "What is it?"

The three boys look at each other and laugh, before realizing she's serious. Another one of the boys, shorter and stockier than the first, responds, "Jesus, you're serious." Hermione shyly nods her head. The boy walks toward her, "This goes by many names, but let's just call it the green aye?"

Hermione nods her head. "Can I?"

He smiles,"Yeah. My name's Jackson. What's yours?" He hands over the joint.

"I'm Hermione."

xxx

 **I am so, so, so sorry for the** _ **really**_ **long wait. I swear I started this chapter right after updating last time, but I got so caught up. First I had finals, then IB tests, prom, senior trip, graduation. Then I started my first college class.**

 **As an apology, this update is about 1000 words longer than usual.**

 **As always, please review. Tell me what you think of the chapter and the storyline in general.**

 **Until next time,**

 **MusaWCEB**


	7. Chapter 6

**I am so so so sorry for the late update. This chapter was actually done about a month ago. But it would not upload. I emailed support TWICE, and it still wouldn't. In the end, I had to go on my brother's laptop. For some reason, it actually worked on that one, but it won't on mine.**

 **Chapter 6**

Hermione spends most of her days with Jackson and his friends. Through them, she learned more about muggle life. They took her to the something called the movies, which she enjoyed greatly. They also introduced her to roller skating. But mostly, she's spent her time with them smoking.

Most of her "friends" back at Hogwarts would be surprised to see her as carefree and genuinely happy as she is when she smokes. It's a chance for her to forget about the nastiness of the last few months at Hogwarts, where all her friends seemed to have turned against her and no one in the entire school was on her side. She doesn't really forget of course, but it does help dull the pain of everything that happened.

Plus, Jackson is so very attractive. Spending time with him is so different compared to spending time with either Damon or Sirius, the boy she was supposed to love and the boy she may have loved.

She could talk to him about Hogwarts, not the magic part of course, but she could tell him about what happened with Damon and Sirius, and how her friends no couldn't see from her side. It was like talking to Sirius; she could share her view of the world, her thoughts, her feelings.

Jackson listens. Jackson cares.

But he also flirts with her, which was something Sirius never did. He calls her beautiful; he holds her hand, which admittedly Sirius did too, but it _feels_ different. She feels the way that Damon made her feel in the beginning: adored, special, like she's more than just Remus' bookworm of a sister. Jackson doesn't even _know_ Remus. It's amazing, freeing Hermione in a way that she hasn't been before.

Wesley the tall redhead and Scott who's relatively dark skin consistently glows are both good friends too. Mostly they just sit together while they all smoke. They do activities together, but she's much closer to Jackson.

One day, while they're all sharing a joint, Wesley, normally loud and rambunctious but today slightly subdued, says, "sometimes I just want to leave, never have to deal with my dad or his _stupid_ drugs again. It's like he doesn't even realize he still has a son at home waiting for him to get his shit together."

Hermione passes the joint to Wesley. Jackson looks up at the sky, which should have a nice dusting of stars, but is actually not visible due to smog and. "We could leave."

All four of the teenagers burst out laughing. Giggles fill the alleyway they're in.

"No, but I'm serious. None of us are happy where we are. So why don't we just leave?"

Scott, blows out a puff of smoke, "you're an idiot. We can't leave. We don't have money. We'd starve."

"But we'd starve free, without parents who don't even notice that we're there."

Hermione, still laughing, nods her head in agreement.

xxx

Remus had just come back from the forest by Potter Mansion with his friends, when Dorea Potter, the elegant, elderly mother of James asked to speak to him alone.

Immediately, Remus fears the worst. What if she found out about his lycanthropy? Would she kick him out of the house? Would she tell him to stop seeing James? Would she tell Sirius and Peter's families as well?

Sirius, James, and Peter all give him broad smiles and tell him they'd catch up to him later. Hesitantly, He treads towards Mrs. Potter. She gives him a disarming smile, immediately calming him down. He reminds himself that it was silly to think that she could have discovered his secret. He never spends too long at their house, always leaving for a week or two around the full moon. There's no reason for her to suspect his secret.

"Come dear," Dorea says to him. She places a hand on his shoulder and takes him towards Mr. Potter's study. "You have a floo call. It's your mother, and it sounds urgent."

Maybe it was his cautious nature, the years he spent worrying over his lycanthropy and the isolation that comes with it, but again, he immediately thinks of the worst outcomes possible: his father is deathly sick, _Hermione_ was sick, his family home burned in a fire. He had nothing on his mind except reaching the floo in the corner of the room.

He notices his mother's face in the floor, "mum."

Hope Lupin's voice, frantic and hurried, answers him, "Remus, have you talked to your sister recently?"

Remus' eyebrows furrow. "No, not since before I came to James' house." He doesn't have to be in a room with her to _feel_ the hope leave her. "Why, mum, what's happened?"

"She left the house, to muggle London, and still hasn't come home. It's been three days." Hope releases a sob that breaks her son's heart. "I haven't heard from her. There's been no letter, no phone call, no floo call. She's just gone."

Remus, unable to bear doing nothing while his mother's in emotional pain, decides what he must do, "mum-"

"And I've flooed all of her other friends, Lily, Alice, Marlene, and none of them know where she is. I didn't want to ask you, because I know you don't often get the chance to relax with your friends and I didn't know if she would show up or not. She's not here yet though, and your father has started looking in muggle London for her, but he's by himself and London is so large."

"Mum, I'll be home in a few minutes. I'll help you look for her."

"Remus, I can't ask you to do that; this is your time with your friends. We will find another way."

"No, mum, Hermione is my sister. I can help look for her. I'll just tell my friends and Mrs. Potter that I'm leaving and grab my things."

It took Remus a few minutes longer, but he convinces his mother that he will not regret leaving his friends for the betterment of his sister. He leaves the room and searches for his friends, who he eventually finds in the living room with Dorea Potter.

"-on't be home until later. So if it's alright with you boys, dinner will be pushed back an hour." His three friends nod their heads and murmur sounds of agreement. He steps into the room, gaining the attention of Peter, who immediately asks him if everything is alright.

Everyone else in the room looks at him. Remus swallows a lump in his throat, for some reason finding it difficult to respond. The other four wait patiently. "Hermione, my sister-" Remus adds for Mrs. Potter's benefit, "she's missing. Mum said they haven't seen her for three days. I suppose she went out to Muggle London one day and just didn't come back. I'm going back right now, to help my family look for her."

"We'll go with you," Sirius nearly jumps up, worried for his friend. He turns around and pointedly looks at James and Peter, "right boys?"

James and Peter reluctantly agree. Remus smiles, a little sadly. "No, it's alright. I know that with everything going on, you all wouldn't really want to help her and it's completely fine."

"Nonsense," Dorea Potter exclaims. "Of course we'll help you find her. Your parents must be so worried."

"Yeah, Remus, don't worry about it. Hermione's still Hermione. She's one of us." He places a hand on Remus' shoulder for a moment before turning around. "Right boys?"

xxx

"Now Hope, you shouldn't worry even a bit. All these boys are going to help find your daughter. She'll be alright."

Although Sirius heard Mrs. Potter say those words, they didn't really register. He, alongside James, was looking in Hermione's room, looking for a diary or something else that would tell her if she left on her own, and if so, where.

James, searching in her bookshelf, suddenly sighs, for the sixth time in the last ten minutes. "What's wrong with you? You've been heaving like you missed a date with Evans."

James ruefully looks at his friend. "Why are we even looking for her?"

Sirius just stares at him for a few moments. "She's Hermione, Remus' sister, our friend."

"And the girl that outed you to everyone, including us, your best friends."

Sirius rolls his eyes. "I'm _positive_ that she only meant to tell you, my other best friends."

" _Other best friends_ ," James' voice seems to increase, although he also begins to whisper. "When did Hermione become your best friend? She hurt you, which we wouldn't do."

"And she's probably sorry." Sirius turns away from James, and strolls to Hermione's bed, where he sits down, in order to rummage through her drawers.

"You only say probably because you don't actually know if she's sorry or not; she still hasn't apologized for what she did."

Sirius' jaw locks. James is right. Sirius knows James is right. James knows that Sirius knows that James is right. He still won't admit it thought. "James, if you won't do it for Hermione, at least do it for Remus, who loves his sister, or her parents, who are obviously very upset at not being able to find her."

James, knowing that Sirius has a valid point, turns around and continues to look through her bookshelf. Sirius, finding nothing in Hermione's drawers, looks under her bed, then behind her pillows. It's there that he finally finds her journal.

Quickly, he thumbs through it, not really reading anything but definitely noting that his name is written often; in fact, without counting either name, he would, confidently, say that his name appears more often than Damon's, even when the couple was still together. Knowing that any plans she had to go for a while would be written closer to the end, Sirius skips passed everything, landing on the last entry, dated four days ago. He skips to the middle of the beginning paragraph.

 _It's different, being with Jackson I mean. He reminds me of Sirius, the way he pretends to care about nothing, just because he really cares about so much. Like Sirius, Jackson cares about his friends completely. He hates his home, his family. Sometimes I wonder if that's why I like to spend time with him, because he's so much like Sirius._

 _But then I remember how he helps me. Unlike Sirius, maybe I could actually love Jackson, the way I thought I would love Damon, back when we first started dating._

Sirius almost stops reading, his heart breaking, knowing that she can't love him, not the way he loves her.

 _I know that my parents wouldn't approve of what we do together, if they even knew. I meet him everyday in an alley close to Cobblestone, the amazing muggle bakery. We have fun together._

 _When I'm with him, I feel something different. I can't remember ever writing it, but I never felt at home at Hogwarts. My friends never felt like MY friends. The only people I really felt connected to were Remus and Sirius. My friendship with Sirius is, essentially, over now. And what happens to Remus and his friendship with James, Sirius, and Peter if I monopolize his time? Does he lose them? Will he resent me?_

 _I've always had to consider so much when it comes to them, but Jackson, he pays attention; he cares; he-_

Sirius does stop reading. He knows where she goes everyday and he knows the name of the boy she's been spending her time with. He tightens his hold on her journal, and leaves the room, with James' voice following after him.

Hope smiles at him as he enters the kitchen, where she's getting a drink of water.

"I found this," Sirius states, holding her journal up. "She talks about this bakery in Muggle London that she goes to every day and a," he gulps, "boy, Jackson, she meets every day too. It sounds like she's attached to him."

He holds her journal out to Hope, who reaches for it. "I'll call Lyall back. Remus and Peter should be coming back soon. I told them to be back by 3:00." Sirius looks at the time, noticing that it's a few minutes after their expected time home.

"Why don't you help yourself to some food? Mrs. Potter brought some, or rather her house elf did, before she left." Hope smiles at him, then turns away.

Sirius sighs and leans against the counter. Seeing a plate full of treacle tarts mere inches away from him, he reaches over and grabs one. He bites into it. As he's chewing, James saunters in. He also grabs a tart.

"She has another guy?"

Sirius turns to his left, to look at his best friend. Making a disgusted face, he turns back to face forward. "His name's _Jackson_ ," Sirius spits out.

"So why are you so upset? You've had other girls too."

"In her diary, she basically wrote that she likes spending time with him, because he's me, but she could actually fall in love with him. Because apparently, there's something wrong with me that prevents her from loving me, but there's nothing wrong with him to do the same." Sirius aggressively chomps into his tart.

"Sirius-"

"No, what's so wrong with me that she can't love me? I've always been there for her. I've always treated her right, always! I wasn't even mad at her when she outed me to the entire school. I mean do you know what happened when my parents found out? Nothing good, I can promise you that. _I_ can still love _her,_ but apparently she can't do the same?

"What I did, I did because I love her and I didn't want her to get hurt. That's it, there was no other reason. I wasn't jealous of her; I wasn't jealous of Damon, not enough to hurt her anyways. Yeah, I made a mistake, but that's it; it was just a mistake."

Sirius, heavy with worry for Hermione and despair over his lack of chance, suddenly starts sobbing. James, unable to see his brother in pain, draws him close, trying to provide comfort to Sirius. Peter, who had just entered the room, rests a hand on Sirius as well.

xxx

Remus and Peter had just entered the Lupin home when they heard Sirius yell. Remus sent Peter to the kitchen, where it sounded like Sirius was, while he went to comfort his mother, sitting on the couch, looking smaller than he had ever seen her.

"Mum," Remus softly calls to her as he sits down next to her, wrapping his long, gangly arms around her small frame. "We'll find her; she'll be okay. She's Hermione."

His mother begins crying. "Remus, we can't know that; until we do, I'm not sure it's safe to feel comfortable believing that."

He rests his head on Hope, and closes his eyes, hoping for any sort of miracle, to help find his sister.

All of a sudden, there's a loud knock on the door. Knowing that Lyall would have just apparated and Mrs. Potter, or just about anyone else from the magical community, would have flooed, Hope nearly runs to the door. Having a house in the Muggle world has never seemed advantageous until that moment.

Throwing the door open, Hope sees Hermione, looking a dirty. Her clothes, which aren't actually hers, are covered in dirt, and her wild, curly hair obviously are knotted. She was being held up by someone else, a muggle.

"Hermione!" Hope hugs her daughter. Her shout attracts the boys in the kitchen, drawing them near the door. Hermione hugs her mother back. The muggle, as well as the four boys, just looked on awkwardly, unsure of what to do. "Where have you been? Are you alright? Are you hurt?" Separating from Hermione, holding her by he shoulders, Hope looks at the muggle. "Thank you so much for bringing her home safely."

"Mum, mum," Hermione mutters. Remus notes that she sounds different, her words less pronounced, and her eyes, something about them changed from what they looked like a few months ago.

Hope ignores her daughter, dragging her to the couch and asking the boys to get food and such. Under a minute, Hermione was overwhelmed. "Stop!" Everyone pauses. Hermione takes a deep breath. "I just came to get a change of clothes. Jackson helped me get back. I wasn't expecting you to be home at this time. We're going. Come Jackson."

Hope, a little startled, questions, "Jackson, from your diary? You've been with him?" Now incensed, Hope stands up and takes two steps away from Hermione. "Your father and I have been looking for you for _days_. We've contacted all your friends. Remus came home to look for you; his friends came home to look for you; _Mrs. Potter_ came here to look for you! How could you be so insensitive as to-"

"I'm not trying to be insensitive! You're the one who told me to come out of my room and go out in mu-London."

"You know I did not mean leave the house for days at a time with a stranger, without even telling me."

Hermione takes another deep breath. "Well I'm telling you now. I'm going to grab a few things; Jackson and I are going out of the city for a few days. I'll be back before school starts okay?" Hermione approaches her mother. "I love you, and I'll be back." She looks at Jackson. "Just give me a few minutes; I'll be out soon and we can leave." She flashes him a bright smile.

Hermione heads in the direction of her room. "No! You're not going anywhere, especially not with this Jackson." Hermione whips around. "I won't let you."

"You won't let me? Who exactly are you to let me or not let me do whatever it is I want?" Remus and Hope are both astounded by Hermione's tone of voice.

Off to the side of the room, Peter whispers to Sirius and James, "maybe we should just leave."

James, smiling, replies, "no, I think we just need a butterbeer each."

"Hermione! I'm your mother. I've raised you for years."

"But you're not my mother! You never have been, and no matter how hard you and I pretend, I will _never_ be your kid." Sirius is the only one in the room to notice how her voice breaks a bit, as if she's holding back sobs. "Clearly it was a mistake coming here. I'll be back before the train to school leaves." With that Hermione turns back around and storms out of the house, without ever having grabbed those clothes she came back for.

Jackson, the muggle, stands up, and during the strange emptiness of the house, everyone notices how much Jackson looks like Sirius. They share an aristocratic nose, grey eyes, and long, shaggy black hair. Mostly though, they seem to share that air of trouble.

It's that air that makes all five people in the room look at him suspiciously. "Umm, well it was nice meeting you." He follows Hermione too.

"Well, who knew our girl was so fucked up," James whispers somberly.

 **Hmm...I've been waiting for this chapter for a while, but I'm not too sure how exactly I feel about it. I suppose it serves its purpose.**

 **Now I know that it seems crazy and probably OOC for our Hermione, but the most important thing to remember is that she isn't** _ **our**_ **Hermione, the one from the books. She's a bit different.**

 **And yes, this part of the story, while it seems filler-ish, is pretty important, the way the plot is written right now. Hopefully it will stay that way.**

 **Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed.**

 **Much love,**

 **MucaWCEB**


	8. Thank you and Goodbye

**Hey guys, I hate leaving author's notes as chapters, but I don't think it's fair of me to not give you any updates on this story.**

 **I love this story; I started it off with a vague idea and in the 2 years (wow) that I've been writing it, I've really solidified what the plot was going to be. It's truly a story that I thought was worth telling.**

 **But not everything I wrote was planned out; so many things just found their way from my subconscious to my fingers. Some of these events have been wonderful, and I** _ **know**_ **that they would enrichen the plot and the characters' stories.**

 **But some decisions have not been so wonderful. Since shortly after posting the chapter with a** _ **very**_ **specific decision, I've been constantly thinking about it; whether it was the right decision or not, whether it tells the story I want it to tell, whether it's easily interpretable into what I want it to be interpreted as.**

 **And my answer is no. In fact, it's so easy to interpret this one particular thing as being so completely opposite of one of my personal beliefs, that I've found it nearly impossible to continue this story.**

 **Which is why I won't be. In my mind, it has left a mark so heavy on this story that I won't even be keeping it on fanfiction for long.**

 **And thank you all so much for reading this story, even though you often have to wait months for an update.**

 **I'm truly sorry for anyone who liked this fic. I'm truly sorry for the message it sent. And I'm truly sorry that I won't be able to finish this.**

 **But I'm not sorry for deleting it.**

 **I haven't decided, but I may write this story again, making minor changes and fixing that mistake. Or I may write a similar story. I hope some of you will support my decision and any future fics that I may write.**

 **Thank you and goodbye.**


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